when you want to get back at your work with vengeance but you are at a loss for inspiration ..on a late saturday afternoon..

Conviction

Maybe it's not about being strong, vocal, courageous or all of those things which underlines an outspoken and expressive activist stance. We all are different. Each one of us. The line of experience that we have traversed is something which perhaps none can replicate in the exact same way. I closest and most probable I can think of could be either your sibling or through some weird turn of events called "co-incidence" a completely different stranger on this planet. No guarantee that you will discover him/her in same time and space and learn about the similarities. Chances are, you will never come to know each other.

Well these ideas are leading me into some other train of thoughts which I do not want to disturb right now. Now I want to talk about something else. So does inaction, resignation, silence mean you are not concerned? That the boiling matter of a revolution at hand, an agitation or a call to arms goes unheard by you? Only those who shout, yell, who write fervently about things and go on sloganeering in protests and participation are the ones who want things to happen from their heart? Is this the measure of the conviction?

I have a case to make against this. Who speaks the least about it, who seems unperturbed by ongoing events by day are the ones who lose their sleep over it by night. To commit is too quick for them. For commitment means to them, the complete allegiance to the cause. So that when the time comes, they will fling themselves and their loved ones into danger, death and come what may without any thought. This takes time to commit to.
To make a real understanding of, is it really worth it? Does it really mean what it avows to be? I believe each one of us have some degree of seriousness in us. Some can easily take things seriously, while others have their own expressions of letting know they are serious. These are learnt by each one of us through the journeys we have made in life. Some have learnt costly lessons too early in life. Things have come to them always through the hard way. They have learnt to make compromises and be understanding to the things around them right from their childhood.
They value things such as commitment, they take time to trust , to have faith and once that faith has been built,they will die for it.

Having known people who exemplify these thoughts, or perhaps I have been drawn towards only such people, can't be sure, I stand here, amidst my generation of men and women, a strange thing for today. Who thinks and feels in the same way, but some how comes to posit value on lost causes, things inconsequential and against that which is more rational and wise. Are fools equivalent to unwise people?

are losers always cowards? what stuff is success made of? what is a successful, wise decision like?

It's difficult to hold the fort for these questions when placed outside their certain conventional understanding. It's very difficult. More difficult it is to live by these unclear principles, taking them to be real.

It takes faith, courage, to believe in them.

song about a song

 I wrote you a song
and I sent it to you
you read it and called me to say how you felt...
special, lovely and oh! all so true
For someone who deals in letters found it could've been better

like words flowing out in love
like words pouring out like rain
why make the rhymes and why say, describe?
would have been more like artistic
to write them like jottings
fragments and pieces, sounding really profound
a song it could've been
Oh what a song it could've been!!

to you i did send it
knowing it would cause that dimple deeper to grow
your desire you expressed that i should write it to you,
it all may sound a bit cheesy and lame but for me it's like a real gift to you
in writing a song, for some one you love
it feels like what the hell was i doing till now?
not writing for you but for all sorts of crap,

well now that I have written it out
if not the perfect artistic way, at least as a bout,
but i think  i'd better stop here,
 the rhyming bug seems to be close at my heels,
and
put a period before it bites again at me!

love love love ;)

hahaha!

is how I can react when I think...

a young nun, when she has to live among normal young girls with common liberties...

first day in the computer room she has the internet before her.

she chooses to watch the holy dalai lama sermons and teachings on youtube.

normal for her, I think.

a few days later, let's say a week later.

there's a typically romantic Korean movie she's  glued onto.


that's when i have a private laugh.

hahaha!

flickering questions in the night

In between these existences, silences and tremulous steps
A thousand many miles, generations and aspirations of a thousand young hearts come

To change, is which comes from within
happening just like that.
To think too much over nothing is different I agree
But how can one  make what is what?
The leap of faith not a momentary impulse but something that was meant to be
That I have met you thus
was not an ordinary meeting, but something that my being was moving towards-
every day of its life, in every word it uttered, in every ideal it conjured, in every twitch it muscled, in every part of its growth- was nothing but a movement towards you.

Or, this in itself is a trick of my mind
A ruse to beguile  the  chances  of 'no'

It is a different reflection that I see dancing in the shadows and lights of my prospective days
Am I leaving something behind in a bid to touch her?
or am I here, speaking thus, already a ghost of a memory of what I have come out from?