As is often said about diarists and writers and those scribblers of their innermost anguish, that they resort to writing when their souls are are overflowing with indescribable pain. Suffering inwardly with no hope of solace.
Reasons for such a state being those usual human emotions which have the power to twist you and make your insides writhe in pain.
How inevitably we are drawn towards these emotions, or for that matter, to talking about and brooding over them.Well, today I am making myself write about things even as I find myself in a situation free from them.
What do I feel right now?
Nothing great, but at a loss for that propeller of an all consuming emotion, drive to get things out on the page. I have to pause, to think at a pace which can be compared to a lingered selection of items in an ordinary week day market. At loss of priority. What should I write about with greater emphasis. Writing itself is also a kind of hierarchizing exercise. You either know where you are going with your words and sentences, or you keep rambling and enjoy doing it to the readers' annoyance. Perhaps this is the reason why it becomes difficult to sit down and put down your thoughts without having set upon its contents.
I have so far been doing this.
well, let me stick to the vague topic i had in mind - to write about the good state of mind. Well i am absolutely fine, nothing major to report. Do i feel like this moment or state should last longer if not forever?
I am not sure. Maybe I am used to the crests and troughs. About a 10% of me would want it to remain like this, purely for selfish reasons again. To be certain of a small area of things, people and events. I am in good terms with everyone, including him who normally causes the crests and troughs in my life. So, i would want things to remain stable, like this for sometime. But. But doesn't it mean that the smooth sailing phase lulls you to sleep? makes your grip loosen, pushing your senses into oblivion?
and, do I want that? my presence to be neutralized, like so many others who become a part of the furniture and everyday items in your room until you loose your existence to a larger whole?
This is no wish for drama in my life nor is it a desire to be on the high all the time.
It is perhaps the age I am in, that doesn't want to settle down just yet. Let me struggle, let me sweat it out in the world. No moulds yet please. I am enjoying the various combinations of myself efflorescent with different people, undergoing rage, anticipation, envy, insecurity, passion, self indulgence, bankruptcy each day. this is how it feels like. That life has only started to happen to me now.
holding myself together, ready and enjoying the ride.
Reasons for such a state being those usual human emotions which have the power to twist you and make your insides writhe in pain.
How inevitably we are drawn towards these emotions, or for that matter, to talking about and brooding over them.Well, today I am making myself write about things even as I find myself in a situation free from them.
What do I feel right now?
Nothing great, but at a loss for that propeller of an all consuming emotion, drive to get things out on the page. I have to pause, to think at a pace which can be compared to a lingered selection of items in an ordinary week day market. At loss of priority. What should I write about with greater emphasis. Writing itself is also a kind of hierarchizing exercise. You either know where you are going with your words and sentences, or you keep rambling and enjoy doing it to the readers' annoyance. Perhaps this is the reason why it becomes difficult to sit down and put down your thoughts without having set upon its contents.
I have so far been doing this.
well, let me stick to the vague topic i had in mind - to write about the good state of mind. Well i am absolutely fine, nothing major to report. Do i feel like this moment or state should last longer if not forever?
I am not sure. Maybe I am used to the crests and troughs. About a 10% of me would want it to remain like this, purely for selfish reasons again. To be certain of a small area of things, people and events. I am in good terms with everyone, including him who normally causes the crests and troughs in my life. So, i would want things to remain stable, like this for sometime. But. But doesn't it mean that the smooth sailing phase lulls you to sleep? makes your grip loosen, pushing your senses into oblivion?
and, do I want that? my presence to be neutralized, like so many others who become a part of the furniture and everyday items in your room until you loose your existence to a larger whole?
This is no wish for drama in my life nor is it a desire to be on the high all the time.
It is perhaps the age I am in, that doesn't want to settle down just yet. Let me struggle, let me sweat it out in the world. No moulds yet please. I am enjoying the various combinations of myself efflorescent with different people, undergoing rage, anticipation, envy, insecurity, passion, self indulgence, bankruptcy each day. this is how it feels like. That life has only started to happen to me now.
holding myself together, ready and enjoying the ride.
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